Real means “blessing” not as a religious rite, but as a father’s stamp of approval and wish for his child to live their best possible life. He’ll always remember asking his own dad for one as an adult. At the time, his father had ALS and was paralyzed, but could speak with Real’s mother holding the phone to his ear.
“May nothing in my life, and nothing in my history, stop you in any way from realizing your fullest potential,” he told his son. Real has carried those words ever since.
Real, who has spent decades helping men find words for the things they feel, has practical advice if you’re hoping to have a conversation like this. For one thing, don’t ambush your dad. Springing heavy, vulnerable questions on a parent out of nowhere rarely works—it’s jarring, Real says. Preface the question by asking your dad if he feels up to having a serious conversation.
Make it clear you’re asking as an adult, not as a child. A script like this can be helpful to follow, says Real: “I was a child, and I’m glad you protected me. I’m an adult now—you don’t need to protect me anymore. I want to know who you really are.” And when in doubt, “Frame it as a favor to you,” Real says. “‘I want to be closer to you. I want to understand you better.’”