When a person tells the story of what happened, something shifts. They “gain a little bit of distance to the event,” Jones says—a process researchers call cognitive reappraisal, one of the most powerful coping tools. You don’t have to talk anyone into feeling better. You just have to ask, listen, and let the story do its quiet work. “You don’t have to be a therapist,” Jones says. “You just have to be.”
When a stranger is crying in public—on the train, in the grocery store, on a park bench—should you say something? Pretend you didn’t see? Here, Holmstrom says, you have to use context clues. “Sometimes you can tell that they’re trying to hide that they’re crying,” and then it’s kindest to give them space. But if they seem open to it, leaning in can be a good call. You might walk near them and offer, “Hey, you seem upset—what’s going on?” or something concrete: “Is there someone I can call for you? Do you need anything?” And if you can’t decide whether to step in? “If you think ‘maybe,’ then don’t hold back,” she says. “Worst-case scenario, they say, ‘No, no, I’m fine,’” and you’ve lost nothing.